So I moved to the Essex County about a month ago.
Let me tell you
I have met some crazies.
Not just overzealous folk, or people who weren’t loved enough as children,
just some crazy people
And it goes like this
I’m in Starbucks, such is the American Addiction . .. and I sit down in one of those comfy chairs (which are all part of the plan) and I realize I made the crucial error that you must not do if you are attempting to be productive at the bux. I sat next to a regular!!! I’m a dumbo, I should’ve seen the signs. His shoes were off. Big Clue. He was drinking regular coffee with the lid off, as if he were in his living room. Multiple papers on the table. Talking to baristas like they are his best friends.
I should’ve known. But I was blinded by the comfy chairs.
Here’s the profile of “The Regular”
in his mid fifties
probably is single, divorced, or just perpetually odd
has wandering eyes
keeps the same darn cup all the time even when it begins to look like trash
wearing a logo t shirt in hopes of being hip
and shorts that are too short
so I wont’ go into much more about him except to say
when I sat down he goes “So what getup are you going for? Twenties flapper girl look”
I was taken aback. Just a little. Usually people keep those fashion insights/insults to themselves and laugh later.
Wow.
Oh and a professor. She shall remain nameless and raceless. Irregardless, she is a professor of mine. And man she is all about roles and the social confines and boundaries and where we should be. I wanted to be like, ok, well if you are so proud take off that potato sack of a dress and work what your momma gave yoU!
But I don’t think she’s that kind of a woman. That works anything. Except a pen, and maybe a knitting needle.
oh
and this was priceless
a woman who looks like a man
and he is her colleague
like directly work together
and they look alike
and it ain’t pretty
she’s mannish
like whoah nelly mannish
but has a really feminine voice, which is kind of odd
oh and who else did I meet this week?
Hyper aware overly sensitive and intelligent kids of different races than their parents who know how to justify being different than their parents really well
which i didn’t need to know all that info, but if that’s what keeps you sane at the end of the day then far be it from me to stop you . . .
and . .. last but not least
a really uneducated woman
who told me
i look like
a character on “Good Times”
am I an actress, cause she swears I was on “Good Times”
Hold on, hold on .. . . wasn’t good times on when I was like 2 years old ??
And wait, I’m . .. .white!!!!!
Kinda weird,
this town is
a weird kinda place
Sitting here, in my plush violet chair, the view isn’t too bad, I suppose. People are at their little tables, on blackberries, laptops, cell phones, reading the paper what have you. Everyone seems pretty content. But are they really?
What kind of a person comes to a coffeehouse to do things they could do in their own homes? Is it people who are addicted to Cappuccinos or maybe its just people who are addicted to other people. We have this need, I think, for companionship, as people. I know I have various reasons why I would go to a local coffehouse, caffeine, to get out of my home and head, to be around educated people.
I think its funny that i assume someone is intelligent because he or she is reading in Star bucks. I love that we’ve gotten to the point in American where reading is praised. Where is the American scholar? What makes someone educated or knowledgeable? These things float around my brain like leaves slowly churning. I try to make sense of my emotional state right now. I’m a bit nervous, scared, excited for the new semester and teaching. I’m so in love it’s sick, so content it’s odd that i could be so happy so soon, so much . . . Life is really about those highs and lows . . .
On a New Sense of Belonging
running miles
jumping hurdles
bowing down
for this mighty being
saying prayers
making spreads
putting things up
and taking things down
what we do
to prove
we are
what they say we should be
but we’ve been given a gift
everyone forgets
the instant community
an immediate sense of knowing
and understanding
being Jewish is
being
family
honoring and respecting
mourning and crying
trying and hoping
to make things better
year after year
after year
after year
and they say
next year in Jerusalem
but I say
this year
together
It’s funny when you are in love.
It’s really funny -you would do anything for this person,
they make you feel complete.
But then when you let yourself down you feel like you have let them down and vice versa.
I wish I could be better for him.
I wish I didn’t have these ghosts of my past haunting me from time to time holding me back from reaching my dreams.
I wish that mental illness was something that someone could save you from.
It just doesn’t work that way.
it is what it is.
And I have it.
And I’m embarassed
Cause I want to be my most wonderful self for him.
But I have this big scarlet P on my face.
Panic Disorder Victim
I feel sad.
I would walk five hundred miles for him
I would do anything
why can’t I then, do the things I want?
Why do I have to have this illness that makes me so scared and holds me back?
the know it all
I finished my test in class tonight and was relieved. This guy walks by me- the quintessential know it all. ‘I got a 92! It was painless!I definitely aced it!’ SHUT UP. WE REALLY DO NOT CARE. THAT’S YOUR BUSINESS, NOT OURS. And when this guy speaks in class he continues on for sooo long because he likes the sound of his own voice. Fabulous, really.
the bitch
She knows the answer. Even if she’s wrong, she KNOWS the answer. She verbally assaults people for fun. She interrogates like a policewoman out for blood. She gesticulates like a mad person. Her voice bellows. Her eyes cut you. Thanks goodness she doesn’t take her knife out.
The critic
He glares. You are inferior- you should know this by now. He looks away from you with despise. What did you do? Did you speak out of turn? Naughty, naughty.
the blabbermouth
please stop talking. pleeeeeeeease. I really can’t listen to you anymore. You are not making any sense at all. I want to throw vegetables at you.
the goody two shoes
there is a smile plastered on her face. she is not particularly attractive. she has a crush on the teacher, or maybe it’s just adoration. Her hand shoots up like lightning. Her report card, like her starched shirt, is immaculate.
the creepy guy
stop staring at me. stop staring at my chest. i am not a piece of meat, DAMNIT. why are you sucking on your finger? Is that sanitary? What’s with the half smile? You can stop playing with your hands now.
the ocder
stop rearranging your pencils stop moving your papers I can’t believe you actually own an eraser. Stop moving your feet. The clock will still be on the wall if you don’t look at it every five seconds. I promise. Scout’s honor.
SHOOT ME IN THE FACE
Movies:
The Dualists-
Wow, Pierre convinced me to see this one, i’m happy I did ,great acting, interesting cinematography
Dreamgirls
brilliant Jennifer Hudson bow at your feet
Rear Window
wow, wow wow
Alien
shoot me
Garden State
always odd
Planet of the Apes
hmmm
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
I have two words for you, Luna Lovegood, freaking brilliant little actress
The Fifth Element
Weird shit.
Books:
The Dead Father’s Club-Matt Haig
wonderful book a modern day Hamlet, set in England with son who wants revenge for his dad’s murder very similar to Mark Haddon’s “incident of dog in nighttime” book
Love, light fruits and you . . .
to my pierre
you remind me of fruit
i know it’s odd
but you do
your sweetness is so pure
your softness is so delicious
but your firmness drives me wild
you remind me of the summer breeze
i know it’s ridiculous
but you do
the way you make me feel so peaceful
the way your hands feel inside of mine
your lips nibbling my lips nibbling your lips .. tongue . . mouth
you remind me of stars
I know it’s ludicrous
but you do
your eyes shine the most beautiful brilliance
your smile warms me
you twinkle and i twinkle and we are like a pair . . . linked
your hand in mine
linked hands, arms, bodies, hearts, minds
and souls
I’ve never
and I could never
describe how
or why
I feel
you do
I do
smile at your sweetness
linger on your lips
nibble at your nose
fumble at your fingers
hold onto your heart
and the looks that linger in the light of our love
of our love
that I love
I watched the movie of “Cabaret” the other night and forgot that “perfectly marvelous” is only in the show version . . . sad but true. In any case .. . my mood right now . .. perfectly maaaaavelous. Just got an adorable phone call from two adorable boys in the theatre, who are wonderful and make me feel so appreciated and that is so lovely. I often don’t think anymore about my theatrical abilities because that’s not how I define myself, I’m not “just an actor” anymore. Although
Maybe I never was “just an actor.” In any case . .. . it’s hot as balls in here .. . I need some ac!!!! Ok, that was just a sidenote. Back to topic. . . let’s see what would put me in a maaaavelous mood. My wonderful boyfriend. Who makes me so fucking happy I could scream with joy and get on an elevator to go to a rooftop of a really tall building to shout it!(without having a panic attack!) Wow, you know you’ve been in too much therapy when . . . I love him so much and I’m so freaking lucky to have him sometimes I pinch myself. But then it hurts, cause I have these nails, and I’m like, goddamn it, Jessica, don’t pinch yourself so hard. Arggggh.
What else? Oh yes . .. my summer job! I got this fabulous crazy job being the Theatre/Drama specialist for a y camp up in the woods! I’m really excited, this is my thing, working with the kiddies and the theatre and dealing with their insanity, and them dealing with mine. It’s just my speed, and I know it won’t be easy but it’s pretty decent money for an artist like me, and it’s a good resume builder. That starts in two weeks.
Meanwhile my class is going well and my professor is crazy but brilliant. My family is doing alright . . . we havent ‘t screamed at each other in at least . .. a day.
Good start, kids, good start.
In any case, I’m so happy I did “manson family follies”, the people were amazing and it felt so wonderful to be back on stage, even if it was for a half an hour and reconnect with great people.
It’s funny, today in class before we started I was overhearing this girls talk about the real estate they wanted to buy and how they were saving for this, or hoping for that ,all with these big ole rocks on their fingers. I’m thinking to myself, “I don’t need to live for the future, as nice as it may seem. Right now is really nice, itself”
Right now is really nice
and thank you
to whoever has been and is making that possible
Oy, I can just see it now. Like a bad Ben Stiller movie (not that his movies are so brilliant but still) we all sit down to dinner somewhere, and his mom totally thinks my mom is a nut and is totally intimidated by her lunacy.
Oh yeah. Did I mention that tonight (in theory) my parents are meeting Pierre’s mom? Shoot me in the face. It’s funny, I bet I’m more nervous about the thing than my mom is, or even Pierre’s mom. His mom’s name is Joann, my mom’s name is Joan. A little freaky? The difference is only one n. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I dont’ know which I’m more afraid of, that they won’t really like each other and my mom will start acting fake like she does when she wants to make situations go well. Or they’ll really like each other. Oy, and start with the Jewish geography and the “oh you know so and so from the Bronx? Did he go to PS 123456? So did my cousin! How funny!”
Once again you can shoot me in the face. Let’s see how many times I repeat that phrase in this blog. Anyway I decided to get back to this blogging site cause the tumblr blog was really just funny pictures and articles and I figured that writing about things can be good. Oh shit, I just realized she was gonna make a reservation for 6. That means Andrew would be coming. Oy, another person to add into the mix.
I really hope my mom keeps it down a notch when we meet Pierre’s mom. Like maybe take it from the usual 10 to like a 3. She can be so intimidating, with her cheerful, upbeat self, and nonstop chatter and smiles. Sometimes I think she’s like a stepford wife on crack. And my dad, my poor dad, did he even agree to this? He probably won’t find out what’s going on until a half hour before when my mom tells him what he should wear. Remind me that I never want to live with a man I have whipped. But honestly, Pierre is not as whippable as my dad, so I should be ok. He probably has me whipped and I don’t even know my ass from my elbow.
Oh yeah. I decided to write a book. Random I know, but I have always wanted to, and after finishing the editing and submitting of the dreaded assignment from crazy innovations in ed professor I can definitely work on it. I should play this song for Pierre’s mom “I am not my hair” by India Arie, she’d laugh. Cause we were talking about hair ,and hair dying. Pierre is like “You’re just like my mom you’re afraid of escalators and shes’ afraid of dyeing her hair.” Maybe it’s just me but I don’t see the parallel. Maybe he’s just trying to make me feel a little less crazy. Good luck.
So, we’ll see if this all actually happens. Meanwhile I have to get my ass in gear and put my laundry away. If all else fails, I can start quoting Ben Stiller from the “meet the parents” series. Or maybe I’ll have my brother talk about sports, he can go on for awhile. Or possible career options. . . he can go on for awhile. In fact he’s quite the chatty character when he’s impassioned about something. So we’ll see what happens. Hopefully it’s all kosher and my parents don’t embarass me totally and make Joann think I’m a total nut. Not that she doesn’t already. Maybe a partial nut. A bit nutty.
I’m stopping before I get too far into the nut analogy.
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