Meet the Parents

June 9, 2007 in Ranting and Raving Like a Loon, Shoot me in the Face

Oy, I can just see it now. Like a bad Ben Stiller movie (not that his movies are so brilliant but still) we all sit down to dinner somewhere, and his mom totally thinks my mom is a nut and is totally intimidated by her lunacy.

Oh yeah. Did I mention that tonight (in theory) my parents are meeting Pierre’s mom? Shoot me in the face. It’s funny, I bet I’m more nervous about the thing than my mom is, or even Pierre’s mom. His mom’s name is Joann, my mom’s name is Joan. A little freaky? The difference is only one n. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I dont’ know which I’m more afraid of, that they won’t really like each other and my mom will start acting fake like she does when she wants to make situations go well. Or they’ll really like each other. Oy, and start with the Jewish geography and the “oh you know so and so from the Bronx? Did he go to PS 123456? So did my cousin! How funny!”

Once again you can shoot me in the face. Let’s see how many times I repeat that phrase in this blog. Anyway I decided to get back to this blogging site cause the tumblr blog was really just funny pictures and articles and I figured that writing about things can be good. Oh shit, I just realized she was gonna make a reservation for 6. That means Andrew would be coming. Oy, another person to add into the mix.

I really hope my mom keeps it down a notch when we meet Pierre’s mom. Like maybe take it from the usual 10 to like a 3. She can be so intimidating, with her cheerful, upbeat self, and nonstop chatter and smiles. Sometimes I think she’s like a stepford wife on crack. And my dad, my poor dad, did he even agree to this? He probably won’t find out what’s going on until a half hour before when my mom tells him what he should wear. Remind me that I never want to live with a man I have whipped. But honestly, Pierre is not as whippable as my dad, so I should be ok. He probably has me whipped and I don’t even know my ass from my elbow.

Oh yeah. I decided to write a book. Random I know, but I have always wanted to, and after finishing the editing and submitting of the dreaded assignment from crazy innovations in ed professor I can definitely work on it. I should play this song for Pierre’s mom “I am not my hair” by India Arie, she’d laugh. Cause we were talking about hair ,and hair dying. Pierre is like “You’re just like my mom you’re afraid of escalators and shes’ afraid of dyeing her hair.” Maybe it’s just me but I don’t see the parallel. Maybe he’s just trying to make me feel a little less crazy. Good luck.

So, we’ll see if this all actually happens. Meanwhile I have to get my ass in gear and put my laundry away. If all else fails, I can start quoting Ben Stiller from the “meet the parents” series. Or maybe I’ll have my brother talk about sports, he can go on for awhile. Or possible career options. . . he can go on for awhile. In fact he’s quite the chatty character when he’s impassioned about something. So we’ll see what happens. Hopefully it’s all kosher and my parents don’t embarass me totally and make Joann think I’m a total nut. Not that she doesn’t already. Maybe a partial nut. A bit nutty.

I’m stopping before I get too far into the nut analogy.